Want some cheese with that whine?

Oh hello everyone!!

(By the way- This post could also be called "Why house hunting makes me a big ol' grump-a-lump)

For those wondering... My disappearance coincides precisely with when I decided to start house hunting! Exciting, right? That must give me so much to blog about! All sorts of happy, sunshine, home owning, decorating goodness, right?!
Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.
So very wrong.

I think now would be a good time to explain something to you-
I'm one of those people that, when things get overwhelming, I have an anxiety attack, pace around for a little bit, and then just lay on the couch watching television instead of tackling any of the crazy stuff...
Go ahead, call me crazy, I dare you!
I'm a perfectionist. I just find it challenging to control those overwhelming feelings. But obviously, Im doing much better! Because here I am, telling you all about it. 
(And at least my mom still loves me! No doubt the person is a little careful around me at the moment :P I'm just kidding. He's been amazingly supportive! And in my defense I warned him I might go nuts before I started the hunt)

I wish this post was actually good news about how my search is over and I have a house!
I'm not writing that post just yet but maybe typing that will put it into the universe.
The point of this post is to allow me to openly whine about some of the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad things I've come across in my search thus far.
Fun, right?
(Oh! And if you're one of those people that unfollows bloggers w/ complaining posts... I'll miss you.)

**I wanted so badly to include pictures of things I've seen, but I decided pictures of other people's homes might get me in trouble... So use your imagination!**

Without further ado, I give you-

You can be damn well sure Krystina won't be buying your home if...

*...if your master bathroom features a pink or blue porcelain toilet. 
I want to give you the benefit of believing it was cool at some point... but your house was built in 2001...

*...if your entire home has teal carpets. 
Teal, people. And throughout the entire house?! How do you match anything to that?

*...if your home has those awesome extra shiny white tiles.
For one thing, you're dooming me to a life of visibly dirty floors. And seriously, they're just ugly.

*...if there's tile of any kind in the bedroom.
I just hate it. The most ever. Ughh! Serious pet peeve. Why would you ruin a comfy-cozy space with tile?

*...if your backyard slants upwards at more than a 45 degree angle.
I wish I was kidding but I've seen at least 4 houses like this. I'm talking- "open the sliding glass door and you turn into the yodeling dude from Price is Right" slant.

*...if you've decided to take your entire kitchen with you.
I don't just mean appliances. I mean cabinets and all! I get that they're expensive but I'm a first time home buyer. I'm not exactly prepared to put in a whole kitchen.

*...if there are bars on your windows.
Wait... what? 

*...if I have to pay to turn on the utilities in order to get the appraisal done.
Granted- this is solely on short sale properties. But... no. I can't/won't pay for that just to go through the appraisal and find out the house isn't worth what you want me to pay! Sorry.

*...if your backyard butts up to a graveyard.
That speaks for itself. And I wish I was kidding.

*... if you have a creepy tenant in place that lets their pets use the whole house as their bathroom.
If I have to hold my breath while I view your home... it's not looking good.

*...if theres a visible leak in your garage and while we're trying to negotiate a fair price because you've decided you won't pay for the repair- you decide to go with a new offer. Asshole.
Alright, so it wasn't my choice to not buy that house. But the seller did make damn well sure I wouldn't be buying that house. *wah wah* Can you tell I'm still bitter?

Now, I'm not completely unreasonable! I know how to walk into a space and disregard paint color and bad countertops. But I'm not exactly walking in ready to gut a whole house and renovate it to my liking either. I need a home that can be lived in comfortably while I slowly take on little projects.
So don't judge me for this list! It's been a tough couple of months!!

Not sure how the market is where you all are but it's hardly a buyers market anymore around here. Houses move so fast! Anything worth while only lasts 24 hours on the market before receiving multiple offers. So timing is everything and you have to move quick!

In an effort to get some more positive energy out there surrounding me and my home search- here's what my dream home would look like, courtesy of Pinterest! Take it in and think good thoughts for me!!

Source: google.com via Krystina on Pinterest

Source: houzz.com via Krystina on Pinterest

A girl can dream! Especially since I live in Central Florida... we just don't have houses like this around me...
Maybe some day...

Ok, bloggy friends- this is the part where you all make me feel better by sharing your home buying horror stories!
And GO!!!

Hope you've all been well since the last time I've been by. I promise my next post will be a little more upbeat! Until then...


Lauren said...

I'm sorry I don't have any house hunting stories for you :( I've hunted for my share of apartments (6 in 5 years!) but that's a little different. It doesn't cost nearly as much money AND I can leave those when I want. Although I did experience a creepy tenant. Ew. Anyway I hope you get some good luck your way!!! And those homes are gorgeous!!!

Crystal said...

Oh, honey boo boo child. I feel for you. I remember when I was first looking for apartments in Orlando, I was like "All I want is for it to be under $X a month and for nobody to have been stabbed there recently." Eventually that dropped to "Well, maybe SOME stabbings are ok if it has a nice balcony..."

Rebecca said...

im house hunting (townhouse) and could just cry! its so stressful!

Robin said...

Ugh girl, I feel your pain. I am trying to find a home in Phoenix come July. First off, house hunting in 100+ heat is just not enjoyable. Second, AZ doesn't consist of pretty grass. I wish you the BEST of luck on your house hunt!

Don't forget to check out my giveaway!

Elisabeth said...

holy cow i can't even believe some of those - a 45 degree angle backyard? they took cabinets with them? well good luck and hopefully you find something not so ridiculous soon :)
your newest follower,

Erin said...

just stumbled upon your blog - you are adorable and funny! love it. and i LOVE LOVE LOVE your header - it's gorgeous and unique!

happy weekend girl!


Kristina @ Love and Zest said...

Didn't realize you were in Central FL....Orlando perhaps? It is slim pickings for gorgeous "traditional" looking houses unless you wanna pay a ton of money to live in those areas :) No more ugly FL-style flat houses please (what are people thinking?)

We live downtown and are looking for a smallish 2 bedroom home to rent, but it's gotta be just what we want before we will sign. I don't blame you for knowing what you want and feeling frustrated.

Armandina Skerl said...

Hi Krystina! Your dream is not that far-fetched as you think. There are a lot of beautiful houses on the market that suits your style, and budget range. You can scout housing auctions or enlist the help of a professional in finding a good home. Just be sure to specify the kind of house that you want and they will surely give you a lot of good options and a better deal.

auto glass replacement said...

I would love to have some in your home sweet home.

Nicole said...

WOW. Tough. Man.. I thought I had it bad just trying to find an apt to rent. Good luck to you!

Kari C. said...

I live in Tampa and had a TERRIBLE time finding a home when I was looking a few years ago. There is just so much garbage on the market here. I couldn't tell you how many illegal, unpermitted additions and garage enclosures I saw, or homes with blatant safety problems that the owners refused to correct or adjust the price of the home for. Ugh. I wish you luck. It's not a fun process, but when you find the right house you'll be so relieved!